The Hidden Costs of Chasing Success (That No One Warns You About)

Jun 20, 2025

I've spent the majority of my adult life chasing success.

I spent way too much time lowering myself to other people's standards, instead of seeking the excellence I sought. I don't care about fame or going viral. I've always wanted my success to be slow and measured rather than a tornado ripping through a town near you.

I wanted ease and grace, but that's not how success works.

It's ravenous in its requirements.

I've lost close friends and a whole community I could have relied on in this chapter of my life. I am more focused, consistent, and determined than ever. No one can give you your success; it's always earned through the trials and tribulations of life.

Without the darkness, there can be no light.

For a while there, I thought life was suffering.

I saw more evil in the world than good. Later, I learned that was a poor way of looking at the world. Yes, some of it is suffering, but the other parts--everything else--is sublime. It's incredible to think and exist. To have the power within my hands to forge this life into whatever I desire.

But it doesn't come easily.

We don't know everything, and everything can't be known.

More often than not, we have to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings because we are human and remain far from perfection. Or not. I think the human form is perfection. I think the way we move about the world to cause change and affect others is perfection.

The whole system was built up over the millennia, and we are here to reap its benefits.

Is the system perfect?

Far from it. But if we take the time to learn the rules, then we can break them and do the impossible. But first, we must learn the rules of our given trade and the changing world around us. Not to say you must aim to learn everything, but you can learn as much as you can.

As if you were to live forever.

Applying what you learn to the things that bring you joy.

There are 3 lessons I had to learn before I understood and could see what my success looks like, and what it means to me. In sharing these insights, I hope you can avoid some of the frustration and anxiety involved with seeking success.

Success isn’t something you chase—you attract it

Success isn't something you can hold.

You can feel it, you can embody it, but you can't hold it in your hands. Unless maybe you ascribe success to those who have collected awards and accolades.

Many good people spend their whole lives chasing after something that is elusive because they chase it. As if it's something to beholden.

Success looks different for everyone. On a baseline, I imagine it's having enough money, purpose, food, and entertainment to last a lifetime. Never having to clock in at a 9-5 you hate, doing stuff you don't care about. Instead, having the time freedom to do whatever creativity begs of you.

When it comes to actualizing the life we want, chasing it is a great way to waste years of our lives. Instead, you start with strong habits that that version of yourself would do naturally. In that way, you are successful because you are doing the things successful people in your given trade do.

One thing they are not doing is chasing success.

It comes to them as easily as a breath because they are operating with L.U.C.K (Labor Under Correct Knowledge).

What they don't know, they find out, test, and assess, then apply. Successful people aren't worried about chasing something they can only embody or feel.

Bottom line: be successful, and success will find you.

Success in one thing is a long-term, 5 to 10-year journey

For a long time, I thought success was this thing that happened in the short term.

30 days of consistent work, maybe as much as six months' worth of laboring under correct knowledge. I quickly learned there are no quick wins to success. It can take years before people start to notice you.

Simultaneously, it all depends on what you know.

If you're a wiz at marketing and human psychology, you'll have a leg up.

However, if you can shorten the gap between what you don't know and what would be advantageous for you to know, the better. Learn all the things you need to know to succeed in your trade. Learn about a few things outside your trade. Innovate however you can to make the process enjoyable and insightful.

But know you'll be doing it for (on average) 5 to 10 years.

Think about it.

All great successes were years in the making. For example, the iPhone was at least three years in the making before Steve Jobs revealed it to the world. Sabrina Carpenter has so much music! She's been making music for at least 10 years, if not longer, and she's just now getting recognized and booked.

Bottom line: make sure you do something you love, because to be successful, you're going to be doing it for a while.

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Success can feel empty when you’re not aligned with it

I've told this story many times, to varying degrees, but it really underscores this point.

When I got the job at Apple, I was rightfully over the moon because of the amount of work I put in to get the job. Taking about four years of constantly applying and interviewing. I thought I was a success because I achieved a goal. I quickly learned that not only was the success empty, but I also wasn't capable of sustaining this success.

I left after almost three years because it wasn't aligned with who I was and who I would evolve into.

If Apple offered me a job in retail, I wouldn't take it, though I would consider it. Fanboy 'til the day I die.

However, my life isn't meant to be spent in a box for the next forty years. As a Sagittarius, I enjoy my freedom. I am a naturally born leader, and I am determined to go out into the world and leave it better than I found it.

Bottom line: sometimes what you think success looks like isn't what it ends up looking like.

Bonus: Sometimes you outgrow people, and they’ll outgrow you

One of the hardest lessons I've learned while being successful is losing friends I thought I'd have for a lifetime.

I didn't expect to have to let go of my best friend of nearly twenty years. However, there came a point where I no longer had the space for him in my life. Severing that bond was the second hardest thing I ever had to do.

And it was worth it.

Today, my life is full.

My family has my back, I have the greatest best friend anyone could ask for, and my career is finally looking up. I don't need anything else right now. I'm truly content, and still. Ready for what's next as it comes.

Bottom line: you will outgrow people, and they will outgrow you, and that's okay.

Here's the one thing you can do today to be more successful

Slow down.

I know you want it now.

I know you're tired.

If you were to hit it big today or tomorrow, you'd shortly begin to miss the quieter days.

When you're successful, work is everywhere. If you get a chance to do what you love, well, then life is good. However, take your time. Enjoy the ride. The things you've been waiting to experience. Be present.

How?

Pause. Close your eyes. Notice your breath. Gently return attention when wandering.

Do this for a minute and open your eyes.

Observe the current moment, and live a little.

Success may be ravenous--but you don’t have to be.

The Potential Paradox